i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize