Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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