Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
