Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
