So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
