Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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