I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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