that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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