In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
