just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
