What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
