Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
