I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
