This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Randomize
