After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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