i just google imaged poop.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
