Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
