btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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