I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
