wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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