i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
