jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
