So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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