would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's the barista slut.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
