I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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