Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
