I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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