Sry I called you an 8
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
