i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
