So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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