Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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