like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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