She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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