I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
