Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize