i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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