just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
