half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
