I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
