I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
