found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
