You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
