I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
