New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
