a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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