No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
