He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do herpes really smell.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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