i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My balls are so social today.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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