Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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