I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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