i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
