I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
