its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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