Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
