I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
