My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
