I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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