The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
