And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
