I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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