please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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