i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
