Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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