I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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