Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
