I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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