Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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