tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
