My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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