Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
