i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
