I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
