I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
