dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My penis needs a shock collar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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