My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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