Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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