hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
