I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
