its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
