A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
