Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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