Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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