We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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