so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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