Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
