Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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