omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and she was petting her beer can
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
