This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
