That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at about main and main street
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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