i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
