I smell stomach acid.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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