Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
