Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I still have a little drunk in my system
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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